Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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