You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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