well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
