Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
