Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
