Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
