People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
