Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm at about main and main street
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
