all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
