Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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