I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
