So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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