We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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