were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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