He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
