I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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