Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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