Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
