she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
