ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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