Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
