If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
