Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
