nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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