While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
