I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
