My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
