I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
