Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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