Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
