look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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