also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
