Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
