Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
