everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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