I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
