last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
