Non-Jews are for practice
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
