I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
