he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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