Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
