why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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