wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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