if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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