ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
