we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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