I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
