My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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