So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
