So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
