Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
