The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
