May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
