he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
