yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
